Anxiety

Okay, so I really just wanted to write this blog as a cry out to anybody who may be suffering from a form of anxiety or depression (or has done in the past).

 It may not be read by many people but it is also for my own personal gain and perhaps those of you who are feeling alone or scared, anxiety is something that has been a re-occurring issue in my life for reasons beyond my control, it is something which we all experience in life whether that being in small doses or whether you are a full time anxiety sufferer and if you are, I am sure you will agree it is something that has to be battled against on a daily basis. I know there are many worse fates in life and I am well aware that people out there have it so much worse off than me, but I feel that if I could get the message across to people that you DO NOT have to feel alone with this, it will at least make me feel that people out there can relate to my situation and maybe get something good out of this blog.
Many nights I have felt that my own mind does not want me to be happy, like every time I overcome a fear in my head something else has to replace it otherwise it can't function- this has led to my anxiety becoming more and more adamant that it wants to stay with me for the rest of my life and has now effected the way I perceive reality.

Depression is something that can also be linked within anxiety and is also something that once you have experienced, seems to make an appearance in life whenever it can get it's ugly grasp on your mind. These things that we feel, these thoughts and feelings that we create- they do make us want to shut our eyes and close out the world for awhile or in some cases forever, but fighting against them is part of the recovery- if my anxiety has taught me anything it is that my mind has so much possession over my life but I need to take back that control of my own mind and that if I  let it  wander too far past the realm of 'normality' (if normality even exists) then I start to endure problems, which of course is my downfall as my father often says to me "Your mind is too active, you need to learn to shut off sometimes" which quite frankly although is great advice, seems crazy impossible at times.

The feelings that I really wanted to describe on here for people to read may seem something out of the ordinary (unless experienced) and trying to describe them to people often raises a few eyebrows or creates a confused facial expression so I'll go from where it all started... firstly for me anxiety has always created problems especially when socializing-but as I started to get older common life experiences like finishing school or starting college began as great battles of discomfort or panic, something which many people take for granted. It was something that was so hard to get through... even catching a train or sitting through a talk would make we want to run for an exit or at least be able to see where the exit was and all though this has never stopped me from my goals and achievements in life it has also not been the easiest of situations when all I wanted was an education. Again, this may not sound like a great deal when we consider certain people's situations in life, but for me it was a great achievement to have done what I wanted to do especially when at times I would want to give up or just close myself away.

Today I'm in university and I truly love it, my anxiety has recently come back and with what seems like a big vengeance- seeming like my mind wants me to suffer again as lately things have been going great!
This time it has been the detachment from reality, brilliant just what I need when I am trying to do a degree. Anyway, I have such a great family and bunch of friends to support me which is a great plus but this feeling is really quite daunting. It feels as though I am walking in a dream and that I am not really in existence- almost as though my dreams are reality and reality is now one great big dream... if anyone reads this and has gone through the same experience/feeling I don't want you to feel alone, because that is fear which is in my mind a great deal of the time and I know how much that can make you feel worse. But then realization hits me that I really am not alone and neither are you, there are so many suffers of anxiety, depression and many other awful relating issues. We need to be strong and fight, because we do still have that strength and that is something which I feel is enough to get us through in the long run- I know I'm not ready to give up :)


A great piece of advice I was given was to create a balanced thought- turn any negatives into positives and work with that! If you have a thought that plays on your mind you need to turn it around and make it into something that you can create into "self help" strategies.